Monday, August 30, 2010

Motherhood: Unworthy

Today has been a hard day. I have sinned against these precious little ones over and over again. I have been impatient, angry, loud, and inconsiderate of their feelings to the point that I have cried over the sound of my own voice. And even though she has been disobedient and he has been clingy and needy I have no excuse. I have crushed their spirits and damaged their hearts. They have had to hear the words "I'm sorry, please forgive me" to many time today. Thank goodness their little souls are so forgiving and loving. They love me the same even after such a trying day. So after they closed their eyes this afternoon. I went before my Father and begged forgiveness once again. Because it is He whom I have sinned against the most. And once again I'm so thankful for His forgivesness and that even though I am a woman of fallen nature, He has blessed me with the precious little souls.

How can I do this Lord? I want to be an example before them to guide them toward the Truth. Give me the grace I need to raise them up in love. I need you Lord.

John 17:17
Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.

This is my heart:

Deuteronomy 11:19

And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

How can I teach them unless I can live it before them??

They have tender, trusting hearts that are in need of direction. He has chosen me to be their guide. So I must fall on my face before Him each and everyday and pray for guidance. I must learn of Him so that I can be an example for them. I must be broken before all so that I might be holy in His sight. Though unworthy of this calling, this is who I am called to be.


LB said...

great post, Lauren. I too find myself begging God to help me through each day. I feel so inadequate all of the time, and yet, he chose me to be mother to these kiddos. A scary place to be!!

And, I have no doubt that you are doing a great job!!

Amy said...

Just the fact that you realize that you need His help is great. Our flesh keeps us from being perfect and yet God loves us unconditionally. I have a tough time realizing that my little ones are of flesh too. They are not perfect, and I sometimes "expect" them to be. How terrible of me! There will always be tough days. Luckily we have a Father who is always there to comfort us, refresh us and guide us. I have learned that on those hard days all you can do is pray. Without ceasing! I am still praying for you! God has given us a huge responsibility. Those precious little gifts are a huge deal! He will guide you to raise them for Him. Try to remember that the good always outweighs the bad :-)

When I have a terribly tough, sinful day like this I spend the next day doing nothing but loving my little ones. Not a bit of work gets done, not a single email gets returned. I take the whole day and remind myself how lucky I am to have them in my life. They are some of the best days.

mom-2-4 said...

Ah yes, "mommy guilt" can be so horrible- I've been there myself. I have 4 little ones and there have been many days that I wish never would have happened because of my own sinful actions. But isn't it so wonderful that we have a loving and forgiving heavenly Father that gives us the strength we so desperately lack, along with the grace and mercy we so desperately need?
Lovely blog you have, I'll most definitely be back.